Oh my goodness! I could barely write coherently about the All-Star Game--I was too busy fanning my brow every time I saw Josh Hamilton do something hot, or swooning each time I witness Joe Mauer lookin' good... Below is my disjointed recap/account of the NL and AL All-Star hotties. Keep in mind that it might be a little biased since I was rooting for the NL to win this one...--CHASE! Did you almost let that ball hit you in the head? Oh, c'mere, Chuttles. I'll make it all better.
--OMG OMG OMG THERE'S JOSH HAMILTON!!!! Never mind that I didn't know who he was 24 hours ago. I'm thisclose to being obsessed. This is all the fault of his tattoos. if he didn't have all the tattoos, he'd just be kinda hot. But he is AMAZINGLY hot. Purr.
--JOE MAUER!!!! My new favorite catcher! I'm almost becoming convinced that AL players are hotter than NL players...
--Hey, Cliff Lee almost kinda-sorta looks like Mike Delfino. Hmmm...
--A-Rod's pretty hot. I never noticed that before. Somebody's gotta be a hot Yankee now that Phillips isn't on the team anymore. I guess that somebody is A-Rod.
--Ryan Braun, you look so young. I can't possibly think you're cute; you look like your voice still squeaks when you talk.
--Chipper Jones...not bad, not bad. Although if we're talking Braves, I'm totally a Francoeur girl. But Francoeur was nowhere near making it to the All-Star game this year. Hell, he was barely back in major league baseball by that point...
--Matt Holliday, are you cute or not? Off with the hat. I can't tell what the hell you look like with that silly hat on. On a side note, I hate the Rockies' uniforms; they look so out of style.
--What is the deal with Grady Sizemore? I'm not convinced he's hot. Not at all. Sorry, Grady's Ladies. I just don't see it. Yet. Convince me.
--Is the entire Texas Rangers team hot? They almost have more hot players than the Phillies do. Holy shit, I think I actually have a reason to visit Texas sometime.
--Justin Morneau--such a cutie. Not hot, necessarily, but cute.
--I cannot believe I dumped Evan Longoria off my fantasy team. IDIOT. IDIOT. IDIOT.
--Fuck you, JD Drew. (All Phillies fans hate JD Drew. It's a fact of life.)
--Joe Nathan? Is hot? He's on my fantasy baseball team (picked purely for his talent) and I didn't even know he was kinda hot? WTF? Am I losing my touch?
--Who is this Wilson dude on the Giants who's hot? I need to get to know this guy. And not because I need another reliever on my fantasy team. (Note: upon further research, this guy is Brian Wilson. It's weird thinking someone with the same name as a Beach Boy is attractive.)
--Billy Wagner, I effin' HATE you even more than I usually hate you. WAY TO GO, ASSHOLE.
--Fuck you again, JD Drew.
--Ooh, I like it when the camera pans to the NL dugout. Hi, Chase!!!!!! [waves madly at the TV]
--Dan Uggla, you SUCK. You were cute until you made that error.
--Uggla, you're pushing it. Error #2. Two in a row! Now you're really not cute.
--Ugh. Corey Hart. Pat Burrell should have beaten you in the NL All-Star last pick contest, you know. He'd have looked a hell of a lot better out there. Granted, he still can't run worth beans, but his hair would be perfect. Because, you know, that sort of thing totally matters.
--AL dugout? Josh sofreakinhotIjustwannascream Hamilton! *squeal* Hey! Camera! No need to pan back to the game! We're in extra innings. That's not exciting at all!
--McLouth, whoever you are, your hair is kinda hot.
--Ooooh, Brad Lidge. This guy's growing on me. He's kinda hot. He's no Cole Hamels, but he's not chopped liver, either.
--Fuck. I wanted this long-ass baseball game to end...but not like that. Damn you, American League. I'd totally hate you right now if you didn't have a bunch of hot players on your All-Star team.
In conclusion: I really need to find another adjective to use besides the word hot. Thesaurus, here I come!
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